Happy birthday

My firstborn is five today. That’s five years of perpetual wakefulness and chatter; five years of emptying breasts and filling water bottles; five years of viruses rolling through the household and Legos rolling underfoot; five years of making the coffee one-handed; five years of screaming and tears—theirs and mine—when the structure breaks or the story … Continue reading Happy birthday


This morning my child is insisting on being called Jabba the Hut. One of the most humbling experiences is seeing your child do something objectively odd and recognizing in it something of your own (or your partner's) off-ness.


I’ve landed upon it: The foolproof solution for keeping your children from cursing. As with sex, the answer is not abstinence-only education, which only feeds curiosity and overproduction. The answer, as it turns out, is swearing yourself—early and often—around your children. This appears to breed in them the intuition that swearing—every shit, damn, and fucker—is … Continue reading Swearing

Family Portrait

The toddler laid four plastic insects in a row. "Dis Da-ny," they said, pointing to the grasshopper. "Dis Ee-ya," indicating that the cricket stood for their baby sibling. "And dis Mama and Bama." Pointing to the cockroaches. I fear for the teenage years.

Eating sh*t

Last night while I was making dinner the toddler came in to the kitchen, naked but for a bike helmet. "This for eatin', Mama?" they asked, pulling something small, wet, and brown from their mouth. "No," I replied. "That is rabbit poop."